Moving On February 12, 2009
Posted by Gerely in thoughts.trackback
What I’m about to publish is something that I wouldn’t normally write. However, if only for the literary value of the letter I initially intended to send someone (but was prevailed over by more rational minds), I think it’s worth reading after all.
Here it goes…
—————————————-
I’ve debated with myself for so long over whether or not to tell you this and, if I do, how best to tell you about it. I wanted to write you this some time ago, but I didn’t have the necessary courage to do it then. Now that I’ve made peace with myself on this issue, I can be completely honest about it.
I fell for you – plain and simple. There’s really no other way to say it. I thought I could dismiss it as another case of attraction or whatever else it was, but the longer I got to know you, the deeper I fell, until I just had to admit that it was definitely more than attraction. I never blamed anybody for what happened because this was clearly my choice. However, I knew it was wrong, hence, my decision to leave.
Leaving, in hopes of staying away from you permanently, was probably one of the most painful decisions I had to make. What made it more painful though was the realization that it was not the solution after all. Drawing the thin line between friendship and that intense need to care about you; and keeping myself grounded at the same time, became a daily struggle for me. I can’t remember anymore the number of nights when I let out a muffled cry thinking that I had loved someone under the wrong circumstances.
Thankfully, God has been so good to me. He constantly guided me and given me the wisdom to still choose what is right. He showed me that there’s so much in store for me in this lifetime that I shouldn’t waste time pining over someone who is not rightfully mine. To my prayer that I’d be given the grace to let go, He threw my way opportunities that deserve my undivided attention. I have now moved on and have come to terms with my choices. More importantly, I have forgiven myself.
Thank you for not taking advantage of my weakness and for being a good friend. I will not apologize for how I felt about you, but I do want to apologize for whatever trouble I may have caused you.
Having said all these, I can now close this particular chapter of my life; and for all the lessons I learned, it was a chapter well-written.
Being Gerely 
Sweetie, I’m so proud of you! I remember your emotional roller-coaster ride over him. I thank God for how He sustained you through the turmoil and how He continues to guide you. I love you, Ge! 🙂
PS. This piece was well-written. Pedeng i-publish sa dyaryo.
I’m glad you listened 😡
Agree ako sa proposed publication. Ipadala natin sa Young Blood. Itago natin sha sa pangalang Richard at ikaw naman si KC.
Mommy Nina, thanks so much for being there throughout the turmoil. I’m ok. Life’s good. 🙂
Arj, yeah, I’m glad there are rational minds around me. Instead of Richard and KC, pedeng John Lloyd and Bea na lang? hahaha. 🙂
hi ge,
you’ve pulled yourself through all this, and while it showed your vulnerability, which we all have one way or another, it also revealed your strength and determination. cheers!
love you!
jo
Hi Jo,
I had to do that. There are some lines drawn in this world that we’re not meant to cross. This is one of them, and I’m so happy I did the right thing.
Cheers! Love you, too!
thanks for sharing this. if you must know, we are similarly situated, except for the moving on part. sadly, i’m not yet ready for that.
by the way, i’m using a pseudonym because i can foresee that i’ll be posting very personal comments in the future. i hope you don’t mind.
Hi Gay! Thanks for your comments. Actually the guy in “The Guy I Met In ‘Court'” and the guy in “Moving On” are two different individuals. Mas seryoso iyung nasa “Moving On.” Don’t worry, you’ll get past that. It will really take some time, but sooner or later, you will realize that there’s so much more in store for you. 🙂